Emotional struggles are inevitable in marriage.
However, many couples today are not emotionally self-aware, irrespective of age or marital experience, either due to cultural, psychological, or interpersonal factors.
Emotional self-awareness is the capacity to acknowledge and understand what emotions you and your spouse are experiencing and the impact they can have on your thoughts and behaviours.
When tension arises in marriage, it is often convenient to blame the situation on your spouse’s reaction and focus on what they are doing wrong without taking responsibility for your own part. This pattern of behaviour is linked to conflicts in many marriages today.
Do yourself a favour
Everyone brings their own emotional trauma into their marriages, and some of these strains may be deep-rooted in past wounds, reminding you of past failures or mistakes.
These can present as flashbacks, which can significantly influence your behaviour and disrupt your capacity to control your emotions in adulthood.
However, couples who can take ownership of their own emotions often become more reflective and less reactive in their marital and personal lives.
Do yourself a favour and learn to understand past traumas or patterns that currently influence your behaviours so that you can identify your triggers. Being responsible for your part of the struggle is critical in fostering the deeper connection needed to navigate many challenges in your marriage.
The feelings are deeper
A healthy marriage is not about being perfect but about being curious. The more you uncover what is hidden behind your individual behaviour, the better you can build a relationship rooted in truth, empathy, and progress. In many marriages, emotions like anger and frustration are superficial-level signs of deeper feelings. By digging beneath the surface, you can both begin to understand not just what you do, but what each other does and why.
Behind every self-justification, there are often stories shaped by past experiences, neglect, or hidden fears.
Emotional conflicts are often about uncertainties, shame, and blame, which have not been dealt with, and not always about the present situation.
Being self-aware can open the door to empathy, patience, and deeper connection in your life and marriage.
Being vulnerable is secure
Being emotionally aware is not about defeating your own emotions but accepting them so you can express them clearly and thoughtfully, without hurting each other in the process.
It is okay to ask for support or personal space to safeguard your emotions when you are feeling insecure and overwhelmed about a situation. Self-awareness is not just about self-control but also about making yourself vulnerable for support, which can also promote emotional intimacy in your marriage.
Make the connection together
Emotional self-awareness is not about pointing the finger at each other but about understanding what is happening in your hearts, so that you can show more clarity and empathy in your marriage.
Understanding your own emotions makes it easier to appreciate your partner’s emotional experience. Even couples who are highly emotionally self-aware still have their own distinctive thoughts, principles, and limitations, which can occasionally trigger conflicts.
Therefore, building emotional self-awareness as a couple may not eliminate conflict completely, but can make steering it healthier and more respectful as you both build a productive marriage together.
It also shifts your conversations from blaming to showing more empathy, creating a deep sense of emotional connection.
Elizabeth Badejo @ThePUNCH
